Leeds united offers ’emergency food boxes’, and they’re literally a joke

Yum, can’t wait to have my banana and baked beans pasta

In a bid to be a force for good, the University of Leeds is offering ‘self-isolating food boxes’ to students locked in their homes due to Covid-19. The box totals £ 10.44 according to Tesco’s website and includes almost no ingredients that can be combined to make even a mildly enjoyable meal.

Worse yet, uni even offers the option of adding two frozen meals for £ 10 if you don’t fancy a banana rice curry, which some would call an absolute rip-off.

We weren’t about to take these vital resources away from those students who really need them, so we thought about flushing them out from afar. Here’s what you get inside:

Whole wheat bread

By arriving with a good start, at least you can have beans on toast. Brown isn’t for everyone, but I guess the university is really concerned about our health, so much so that they haven’t included any vegetables in this box.

Butter

Fine. Thus, the toast will not be dry. But given that at £ 1.49 it’s the most expensive thing in the box, I think we’re up for a few crappy meals.

6 eggs

Winner, winner, scrambled eggs on toast for dinner! (And breakfast, lunch and all your snacks).

That’s a no to all the vegans out there

5 bananas

Real solid choice of uni here. Bananas not only provide a great start to the morning, but the peels can be used as a slip and slide in your flat kitchen to keep you from dying of boredom.

Bananas make us happy, bravo uni

3 clementines

Some vitamin C and crown will be gone before you can say “I want my 9k a year back”.

Long-life milk

That’s the 24 month shelf life for me. Note: £ 1.10? Flight.

2 bags of porridge

TWO bags of whole porridge !! Coming at 20p each, according to Tesco, uni really gave us a big and boujee breakfast with this one.

Bag of rice

A bag of rice. Almost as pointless as giving us a single grain of rice, Leeds.

I’m sorry – A sachet?

3 mini boxes of cereal

These are made for four year olds, and one box is just not enough for a normal adult to eat for breakfast. Also, someone has to have the cornflakes, and I don’t want it to be me.

3 packets of instant soup

Frankly, throw yourself in the trash.

Can of beans

Save that for beans on toast, the only elite combo possible with these ingredients.

It’s probably not even Heinz

Can of tuna

When we searched for ‘can of tuna’ on Tesco’s website, it only showed us cat food.

via Tesco

Tin of tomatoes

Come on, a single can of tomatoes looks a little stingy, plain. But, at least you might be able to whip something up with the crispy spices you have in your cupboard and pour it over your only sachet of rice.

sad : (

Pasta

At this point, the only pasta filling we have left is the mushy banana.

Biscuits

At least you can bury your midlife sadness under a pile of digestive crumbs.

Chocolate creams

Uni really provides us with good health here. Spoil us with this 45 pence packet of own brand bourbons. Don’t complain though.

SO happy with his Aldi bourbons

Lucozade

To be fair, everyone knows that Lucozade cures all kinds of health problems. Including the brutal hangover you’ll get each morning trying to calm your cough with Sambuca the night before.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Leeds dormitory denies door lock in fire exit fiasco

• Uni of Leeds tells self-isolation charges to wash their socks in the sink

• Exclusive: Sussex charges £ 25 at international charges for a £ 8.46 welcome box

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